Zipper

well this is a short post but today was the day I attempted my first time at sewing on a zipper. My zipper went on my sweater months and months ago but I hadnt had time to attempt to try. Today was the day. well I will say it wasnt perfect but not a bad job. I can at least wear it now. Anyways I thought I would write it here in my blog so I coudl document my front sewing on of a zipper hahha.

Half Way There

As many of you know I started a learn to run a few weeks back. I wasnt sure how in the world I could fit it into my schedule but I knew it was something I long to learn to do but honestly have no ambition to work at it to make it happen. lol. Some may say I am lazy and maybe I am hahha. But I watch people run and it looks easy and fun. I like doing anything that is fun. :) and if I can bring my camera and take pictures along the way all the more fun.

Right lets get back to my learn to run. Well this week was the point where we have to run 10 whole mintues straight. Ya you heard me 10 WHOLE minutes. not as easy as it sounds fo rme anyways. FOur weeks ago I started running 30 sec. walking 4 mintues. Yep and by the end my heart was racing a bit but wasnt to bad. as we have increased the running and reduced the walking it has been getting a lot harder for me. Part of it like I said I have a pretty full schedule and any day I have off I will tell you exercise is not how I like to fill it. FUn activity YES exercise NO. lol. Well tonight THursday night a night to myself. getting bored at home and tired. I knew my run is something that needed to happen. I missed my 5 5 x 1 runs on Monday so I finally got up the courage got into my running clothes grabed some music and started to run.

The funny thing was I felt cool, I actually felt like a runner. My shoulders were back my feet werent dragging on the ground, yep I was running, and praising the Lord. (I love hymns while I run I know I am strnage but I am in awe as I run and it is amazing) Well I looked down at my watch and it said 6 min. Longest I had run straight in two years. I was proud of myself but the goal for tonight was 10 min. So I told myself lift the legs up and keeep going. !0 min finally were up and I knew I coudl make it to the next main street and I never stopped. 12 min and 15 sec later I stopped running. I did it. I was so proud of myself. It may not seem like a lotfor some of you reading this but for me this was huge.

The funny thing was as I ran people were looking at me kinda funny. And I just said I know they are jealous they wish they could run like me. lol. Well when I stopped running and took out my head phones, I coudl actually hear myself breathing and it sounded like I was about to die. People were looking at me wondering if they shoudl call for help. But with my gasping air and a huge smile on my face with my arms raised in praise they thought nope she doesnt need help. SHE is just crazy.

Well I hope I keep being crazy and stick with it and reach my final goal of running 30 min straight no breaks so stopping just a smile on my face running like a runner. God is good and how refreshing to get out into His beauty. Loved every minute of tonight.

Praise the Lord.

My Head is Spinning

I cant believe what has been happening in less than a month. It is a weird feeling because inside there is a true peace that I feel God is in control of what is happening around me but inside I wonder what I am learning or am to see from all of this.

"Be still and Know that I am God"

These are the words that have just hit me as I am writing. I have been everywhere in my thoughts in the past few weeks. I have so many things on my mind, I am frusterated, worried angry , exhausted, lost, confused, and so many more things. When these things begin to happen I want to take everything into my hands and make it better. I want to fix what i see, or throw away what i see, at mad at what i see, but really what will that change. Nothing. Wise words given to me this week. Kimberly what ever you are thinking.... bite your tongue. One thing I have had to think about this week as situation are gettign to me and they build up inside me.

Then lately i want to solve evrything how things shoudl look run, be butreally no matter how hard I try nothing will really change from what God has planned, except part of me just htings you may ruin what good God is trying to plan so butt out. Its Gods plan get to know Him better and  His plan will go forth even if I dont do anything on my own.

TOnight I also have thought what if I am not here tomorrow. What do I want people to know, or how to be remebered. Well I am not sure on all of that tonight. One thing that as hit me is there have been many friendships in the past that maybe I said something, did something, or walked away from in the past and what i want you to know if I dont have the chance to tell you in person or may not even know how I hurt or or why I friendships have gone different ways. BUT I want you to know that I am sorry. Your friendship in the past would be and is to me just as important to me today. Deep inside I wish those friendships coudl be healed and gro back to where they once were. I dont know where or how that is possible. But know this I am sorry and I hope I am forgiven. May you allow me to try again and rebuild a friendship with no hurts or regrets attached. Today is a new day, why dwell on what has been in the past, where is that going to get us in the future. Forgivness is key and grace is what we have been shown and may I live a life where I can show grace to those around me. Life is to short.

I am not totally sure what I am wriitng and as this whole blog it is just be rambling. But i think I need to back off from sitautions for a while. Watch from the sidelines. Learn to love God even deeper then I ever thought coudl be possible and watch how love and life will grow. If I you know me at all may you know today if I didnt tell you in person you mean a lot to me, and I wish we coudl only have spent more time in fellowship and I pray that walls will be broken and those things can happen again.

As I head to bed I am seriously reflecting on Gods words.

"Be still and know I am God"

I know he will make it happen.

I love you Lord with all my heart. May you keep transforming me into the women you want me to be. May I always remember that I am a princess of the most mighty King of all. I want you to take me and mold me to they way you want me to be. Lord I am yours.

"Be still and know I am God"

How to help the hurting

Tonight has been an interesting night. I have been really tired tonight it has been a long couple of weeks for me. I stayed home to try and get some work done. I had this one girl in my grade four class who has been struggling. She hasnt been studying as hard as I know she can but for some reason this last test she studied so hard, tried her best and everyday in the hall she asks how she has done. Today I told her she would have them for the next class for sure so tonight I sat down marked the test and she got close to a 90% I was so proud of her. Friends cared and they all supported eachother.

While marking I sat down and watched a watched a few family movies. one about a judge who takes in a hurting foster child instead of sending her to prison becasue their were no foster homes left. And though she didnt really want to do it she looked into the girls life and REALLY got to know her and her story. The other movie was of an uncle whose siter dropped off the nephew who is autistic for the weekend. While she is away she gets in a car accident and dies.Now this uncle has to try and understand and explain and care for this boy when he has no idea how.

Now if you know me tears soon hit me as I watched people hurting, struggling through life but when someone stops to make a difference to know that they truly care for the hurting person even though they have no idea how to help it was amazing how those hurting grew and healed though the hurt never left..and those that were trying to help and had no idea how were touch by the people they were trying to reach.

Sometimes in life i see people hurting. I have always had a soft place in my heart for people. People who hurt, have nothing just need a friend, need a hug, need someone to talk to. Sometimes I know too I am the person who needs someone to hug me to listen to call me up and be there for me to but tonight my heart ached for friends and the family that is hurting. Like in the movies life continues on but how to cope carring on with everyday life and still having the hurt doesnt disappear. For me I just want to help them, I want to take the pain away I want to put everything back the way it shoudl be but thats not How God planned it, so how do I help. I feel like I shoudl call and make sure they are okay, that they know someone cares deeply, but what if they roll there eyes not wanting it, what if its a bother. I want to call and make sure that they have a friend by them each day to make sure they are ok. I want to make sure they have someone to laugh with and cry with when needed, I want them to make sure they can open up and talk without feeling weird or crazy, or weak. I have in my time seen so many people hurting and they want to look strong so they get all tough and build up walls. I hope and pray for these people that they will allow people to reach into their lives and help them. Not to be afraid just to pick up the phone and say nothing but know someone is there, or to call and talk about everything to nothing.
But how does one approach one how does one help when they dont know if the person wants help. How do you be there for them when they dont seem to want you there. Do you keep bothering them to be in their life or do you step back and say nothing hoping they dont feel like you are leaving them behind becasue youre not you just dont want to be a bother, but you want to be a great friend and to help. I pray daily for guidance and direction but sometimes I still dont know. I dont know what step to take next or how to help.
I know I am rambling here tonight but my heart really longs tonight for those out there who are hurting tonight, for those who are responsible to care for the now hurting when they dont know how to help but God has placed them in their lives for a reason so he has a plan for each and every situation but where do I fit in. Do I run and leave them behind? DO I sit on a bench waiting for them to come to me and sit beside me and wait for them to talk and just sit and be there? DO I continue to reach out, visit, write, try and hang out with them? When a person doesnt know how to help the hurting but the heart hurts with them its a tough spot to be in and I wish I had an answer on what to do and how to help. They mean a lot to me but I hate to lose any of them by being there to much or to little for them. So tonight as I pray and think of those hurting tonight. May God bless you and keep you safe tonight. May you feel his presence and peace and strength for each new day. May you help those around you to know when, how, to be near or far, often or none, as you journey through everyday hurts and pains. You are never alone even though I am sure there are moments when you cant imagine how you will take the next step or make it though another day.

My dream today is to make sure person in this world knows they are loved, they are special and they are cared for. Never give up there is someone who cares.

A New day a New Lens

I have been wantign this new lens for my camera since I bought the camera but I knew I needed to save for it I coudlnt just have it. So I did exactly that and while saving for it I actually got it on a good sale so that made me pumped.

I now own a AF Nikkor 50mm f/1.8 lens. I really wanted this lens for blurring affect in my pictures and it can blurr with the background a lot closer. I thought this is awesoem I picked it up today and attached it to my camera and I thought great I iwll set it on a shutter and off I go taking great pictures. YIKES! If only taking pictures was this easy. Well I think I may need to go in and get some advice on my camera lens becasue I think I am focused somewhere and then I am somewhere else and the wrong thing is blurring its weird. I am sure soemthing cool will come out of it but I am ready for this challenge.

As I was relfecting as I do all the time (hahha not..I am not much of  a thinker lol) I kinda saw how this is like a realitonship with God. When I focus on the wrong subject the good stuff gets blurred away. When we take the main focus off God then we miss what coudl have been the best picture out there. But if we keep our focus on GOD and blurr out the rest even though its sometimes tough to keep the focus there and not allow it to go in a different direction then everythign else will blurr out and it is all what God wants.

And when I do all that God wants then the picture always is amazing.

Leaning on the everlasting God. Be blessed even in the unblessed (what we think are unblessed) situations. Lean on the One true God.

1. What a fellowship, what a joy divine, 
 leaning on the everlasting arms; 
 what a blessedness, what a peace is mine, 
 leaning on the everlasting arms.

Refrain:
 Leaning, leaning, 
 safe and secure from all alarms; 
 leaning, leaning, 
 leaning on the everlasting arms.

2. O how sweet to walk in this pilgrim way, 
 leaning on the everlasting arms; 
 O how bright the path grows from day to day, 
 leaning on the everlasting arms.
 (Refrain)

3. What have I to dread, what have I to fear, 
 leaning on the everlasting arms?  
 I have blessed peace with my Lord so near, 
 leaning on the everlasting arms.
 (Refrain)

Have a great day and keep the focus on CHRIST BLURR OUT THE REST.

Its been to long

well it has been a VERY long time since I have written in here. I still have no computer so it has been a bit more challenging to keep up but I plan to get back at it. Life has been crazy weird, so lets update whats been happening and where i am at.

Well I am still at Tim Hortons every tuesday and friday. Its always an adventure and its always a surprise who may walk through that door. ( more may come on those stories) but I am there and at the moment I plan to be there for sure until June and if I get to switch to day shifts for three day sa week I will work there over the summer but if I dont get those shifts I may just say goodbye.

In the fall it has been confirmed I will no longer have my Pre-school program as it is being shut down for next year. This brings a bit of sadness but it also brings joy in new adventure. Next year iwill be full time for the first time in almost 8 years so it will be great and maybe great enough that there will be no more tim hortons. (what i will be teaching I will not annouce online as I am not sure how public it is and woudl hate to get it out into the wrong person.

there is so much goign on with teachers right now that I will just stick with tim hortons to insure a little income. And never know the surprises that may come outof that.

I did go to vancouver and it was  a greta time. I love (almost lol) every mintue of being there. It was pretty crazy all the things I saw and did was so great. I learnt a lot about my self and it was a much much much needed break from being aroudn here.

I recently have joined a learn to run group. I so badly want to be an athlete but to be honest I have no ambition. I am trying and I am getting better but i have a lot of habits I need to break right now and I find every few weeks it is gettign better and better so i am looking forward to fullfilling my goals. July 30th here we come :)

well i am sure lots has happened since then like I am now an autie of three fantastic nephews and one great niece. They are even all learning to love the camera when I bring it around.

speaking of cameras I did my first family photo shoot and it went pretty good. There are a few things I need to learn from it but it was fun. If anyone else wants to be my geiny pigs I am willing to take photos of your family for free just let me know.

I am also looking forward to getting back into my crafts again as it has been awhile.

today though has been a weird day. Mothers day and I iwll say Happy mothers day. She is a great mother and tries hard to be the best she can be everyday. I think at times we clash becasue more and more I am realising I am becoming more and more like her.

But today I feel weird inside. I feel like something has just gone terriblly wrong and I have no idea what it is. I know sometimes I ruin things for myslef and today though I just tried to be helpful and a friend I feel like I ruined everything. Sometimes I smother and I am not meaning to but I do and I am working on it and I hope those that feel that way dont ignore me or stop being friends please just let me know and tell me thats how you are feeling becasue thats not what I mean to to . I just like to help.

Today also was a day I think I felt awful at friendships I had that really are no longer are not near as strong as they use to be and that was a hard thing to see today. It hurts and how does one mend those things. I am not sure you can and if you can it is only by Gods grace and today I am praying for restored relationships and friends.

There have been many times in the last few months that I just relaly want to have friends. I feel I have baout one closer friend that I can call anytime and is paitent with me but then I have aquatinces but that is about it. My phone is not one that rings off the hook all the time and thats also why I dont feel the need for a cell phone I really dont get calls enough to pay a big bill every month and never have anyone try and get a hold of . This may sound like a pitty party but its not. Its the age I am not and at moments it hurts and I wish that I coudl somehow make or find the courage to have CLOSER friends not just aquatnces that I sometimes see. I want others to call me and want to hang out with me etc but for now I need to trust God and be the best friend I can be to those around me and Try hard to learn how to be a good friend without the smouther part.

my house is falling apart I have felt super busy or just tired the last litle while that nothing aroudn here is getting done. SO today was the day to get it done. Its only a little after 5 and I coudl get it done but I am lazy, I kinda want to go biking or walking, and part of me wants to sit down and just have a good long chat with someone aboout life just life deep life. Hmmmm

well I guess thats a quick long update where I have been but I will do my best to be back here everyday to update how the day has gone. I hope tomorrow I feel a whole lot better about everything and that people will forgive me and jsut move on and accept me. There is me hoping and praying. And praying still for those around me who are hurting today.

I need to Quit

Tim Hortons is getting under my skin. I guess it always has and that is why I went to university so i dont have to work in these places. Yet because I deceided to have lots of fun and not spend my money so wisely i am now workign two jobs just to make ends meet and I am so exhausted frusterated and just hate what I do. One shoudl never hate what they do. I got called a name at work today which isnt even appropriate to writ eon here and it was frusterating. But seriously if people woudl read to have in or to go an dmake it accordingly, or woudl not just stand there tryign to do the same job I am errr, and as the one in charge it is my responsiblity to make sure all the work gets done, so ya I amy have to tell you to go do something once or twice. Err I have just had enough I need a break and thankfully only 6 days away. In the mean time i need to find my keys that i lost. not cool to ahve lost those keys i sure hope they show up somewhere soon.

What Has been Happening

Well it has been a while since I have been on here so I thought I better sit down and up date what i can while I have this tiny computer being lent to me.

To be honest there has been so much happening in my life and yet there feels like nothinghas been happening. School has been goign alright. I have finished my report card marks and everything has been sent in so that s a relief. Except now i have to figure how \i can get the remander of the inforation across to these grade 4 students to help them all pass before the year is done. As well I cant remember if i emnetioned or not but I will no longer be teaching my preschool class next year as they have taken that position away so i sit wondering where and what i will be teaching next year. \\\\hope to find out in the next 3 weeks or so.

Besides teaching I have also been continuing to work at \tim hortons and it has been frusterating. I just find that there is a ton of expectations and yet there are no guidlines to get things done and that is really frusterating. I know I coudl take soem of this into my own hands but at the same time is it my job to be making charts and lists and oragaize a store thats not mine. But to be honest I think I woudl have a few more expectations around the store on EVERYONE that works there. SO every shift i woudl love to quit but every shift I also know that I need this job if i want food on my table everyday. SO how to do a job with a cheerful heart when it drives you crazy?

The camera well I love it and yet I have no idea really how to use it. I think I know what I am doing and think i have it all figured out and then i take a picture and it all falls apart errr. what a disaster. I will still plug away with it and I am looking forward to my trip to vancouver to try and take all sorts of cool pictures with it. I just wish I was wondeirng aorund taking pictures with someone who knows abou tthe cameras so i coudl ask a lot fo questions while I am tryign to figure it out but I am beyound excited to go on this journey. I really beleive that I am goign to learn a lot on this journey and that my eyes are going to be opened and refreshed in what lies ahead.

Me and my natural path were on the same page for a while until I get so busy or run out of prepared food at home. |This weekend hasnt been goign so well and I am feelign it. It really is strange when I eat the wrong foods that I may realise I just ate i have to be so careful. I get so light headed and dizzy my ears get itchy and drive me crazy and I get really really tired. I have been having more energy in the past two weeks then I had in a long time and reently I have cheated a few times when I go to a resturant with friends (not always a great idea for me I am seeing) and then I have been dreaming again which makes me not so rested. i am not sure what it is that makes me dream so much but I ready tto try adn get to the bottom of it I know that for sure.TOmorrow is monday a new day and a day to do my best to get back on track so I can feel better again. Right now its not about losing its just abo9ut gaining my energy back after having lost it for 3 years. i am ready to have me back.

In saying that I have felt i have a bit more engery has sure been helping to keep my house cleaner. I have been not napping so much so the dishes get doen I get laundry done quicker (along with the new laundry hamper sure helps to organize) and my bed gets made. I love a clean house I am so happy and peaceful when its liek that but then there is my next issure which I am sure many people woudl like and that is now i often have nothign to do at home so I get bored. See I have a 10inch tv i use for movies I dont even have farmer vision on it. I live by myslef so I tend to wonder what to do. I love doing crafts and sewing and quilting and have lots of resources in my place to do that but the problem is my place isnt really big. So when I get out a project to start doing it makes a mess in my now clean house that I have to try adn get cleaned up> I often wish for a two bedroom place where I can make one into a craft room. If anyone knows where I can rent a two bedroom for $700 all ulitities included please let me know as this woudl allow me to have more room to craft. Or if someone has a house and wants to marry me and I can turn the basement into my craft space even better lol j/k. I am kinda content to see where my life leads.

As for relationship for all thos eout there. I am still on this single life journey. It is a great time to get closer with God but at times is so lonely. I often wish someone woudl call me just to chat about postive up liftling things talk about adventure and life. Cause like I said livign a lone can get boring without people to chat with. I do trust that God has a great plan for me and right now he is teaching me many things tha tone day will help to make me a better friend, mother, wife, teacher, and person.

As for me and God. He is amazing. He amazes me more and more everyday. God has taught me that he is so much bigger then i coudl ever imagaine. THis God has taught me to quit trying to statify myself and rely on Him. THe tough part is I tend to make promises to God that if he helps me here I promsie I will be so much more for him and yet I do well for a whiel and then brake that promise falling back into the same pattern. SOmetimes I get so mad at myself and pray that HE will once again shine His Grace upon my life and get back up try again. I know that God cares and will always be there to hold me up when I fall and I love Him for that. There are times though where I wonder How I will have to pay for what I do. What then I just have to trust in the God who loves me that His grace will shine through me and I will have His strengeth as I continue to journey through life.\\

In church the pastors often have been praying a blessing over us before we leave and I have relaized that maybe I need to pray myself what God has in store for me through his word. I have been praying through Ephesians. like 3:14-19 just asking God to trust Him in his plans and thanking him that he has a plan for me. That I woudl understand His love so much that I coudl shine it out to others when its tough. And I have been looking at other verses that really shine out what I beleive God wants for me and for others.

Today I know that God is amazing and will continue to amaze me. There is so much I am learning and I feel like I am falling all the time but I am thankful that God picks me up helps to dust me off and carries me through the journey I am on. I thankful that those who have crossed my path you are amaizing. I have people out there that are prayign for me and I thank you for that. I know that there have been many steps along this journey that I would never have made it through without the encouragment and prays of others believers thanks.

Thanks to my family who keeps allowing me to be apart of there family time so I can enjoy my neiece and nephew grow up. I appreciate it.

Well this was a long update but it has been a while. Let the journey continue as I enter into another full week!!!

Brain Farts

This lady I work with often says this, "I just had a Brain Fart". Yep and the past little while this has been me. I will be off to do something and I turn around and cant remember what I was goign to do. Or I need to remember somethign and its gone. Well yeaterday was one. I tried coming in here to update about how I love a clean how but couldnt remember or figure out how to log in so I couldnt get in..crazy!! Then I got to school and its report card time and I coudlnt find my marks book for the life of me. I coudlnt remember where I had placed it. Thank goodness I prayed and God took care of me all day. I found all my marks and everythign was much more organized then I thought. See I guess I can be organized in a disorganized mess. So I got the marks on paper and they are almost ready to be sent in. Just a little note to hte parents and a few students to write their quiz and I am set for Thursday! Thats right a little ahead this week. now to go and see if I can steal someones TV to watch the bachlor!

Vancouver, BC

I have never booked a flight before and gone all alone anywhere. Well this is the month. I have just needed to get away for while and I have a bunch of personnal days that I have been gathering together and well I am about to use them. I have booked my flight today!

I am off to Vancouver alone to see my "foster" Brother Will. I cant wait to see the beauty that everyone always talks about. I look forward to sight seeing and just getting away. Shoudl be a great time. 8 days away to relax adventure and see what God has in store.

Keep posted for my adventure updates. March 23 I fly fly away :)

Grrrrr

Students who dont listen..grrrrr. Going to the gym yesterday and you got all these grunting looking in the mirro weight lifting guys while I am trying to do my nice little cardio routine...grrrr. trying to get a ticket booked on West Jet....grrrrr. Now heading away from work to my other work I can only imagine what will lay ahead of me tonight.....grrrrr. Yep that sums up my day...grrrrrr Oh ya lets top it offf with fridged temperatures.....grrrrr

Exercise

Headache and new goals dont mix. I promised myself that I woudl get back on eatting what my natural path said I was a loowed to eat and I need to get to the gym. One to get in shape and one so I can at least do my mini triathlons this summer. The problem today is I have a huge headache. It came on last night and I cant seem to shake it. Since I promised i woudl go tot eh gym I will but we will see how I do.

PS since I am back at work again I can update my blog each morning or afternoon. Stay posted and I will try and have an interesting blog post soon as for now you get my boring life :)

A day to get ready

I decided that I am a list person. In order for me to get things doen I really do need a list. It seems when I have a list I know exactly what to get done in a day and i tend to get thigns done very quickly so that is my new plan to make lists almost everyday it just makes sense to me. DO you need a list? DO you use a listfor anything?

As well I am almost done my week off (if you call it that since i have been working everyday this week) and I need to get some food in my fridge so I can get organized again. I bought tons of stuff to make food and now its time to get to work and make some food. Its only 4pm lots of time..NOT.

Well I better run and looks like someone may borrow me a computer for a bit. Now how nice woudl that be. I am truely blessed in this life time.

I am a Nikon Girl Now!

The decision was made and I bought a Nikon. THe girl at Dons Photo helped me out with all sorts of things and for now as I begin to learn I am excited to start it on my first ever BIG camera. Ya it should be good. I iwll post a picture when I can.

My computer is broken at the moment so I may be missing a few updates on my blog :( but I will do my best to keep this updated as much as possible.

Have a great day and we will write here again soon.

Short post as I am not on my computer.

Oh Camera Oh Camera

Debating on a camera. Should I go with the kijiji Nikon D80 with tons of stuff two lens for $750 or do I go lower end canon rebel xs two two lens which I woudl have to switch back and forth for approx. $750. I know a lot of people use Canon but maybe I shoudl be different lol. I just odnt know and I want someone to just get me one and say use this lol.

Ps I came hoem from work tonight and my house smells really really bad....I think somehting died haha but now I have to try adn find it somewhere in here. HELP.

If I had a camera i could take a picture of the smell haha. oh right wrong usage.

Well I guess the update tomorrow just may be my new camera or new to me :)

Blah

Today is just one of those blah days. I have had a lot on my mind today, lots of wonderings. Had a crapy sleep the might before. I havent napped in three days, but i am off school for the week so that may say something. Its jsut blah. i dont really want to be around peole or a lot of people. I just need a long long break alone with no unfinshed things to think about just need a break. But yet today is a blah day with lots of things on my mind..yet not a lot I am wanting to tell the world today. As for now its just the blad tuesday. No idea what tomorrow will bring. Answers I can hope!

Family Day

On Sunday during our 5 hour lunch. Thats right four of us went out for lunch went to the resturant at 2pm and left at 7pm and we all ate a sandwhich and a bowl of soup in that time (well some of us ate the whole sandwhich lol). Anyways in those 5 hours we talked about family and what makes a family. Can you be a family with only one person? What about a husband wife and one or more kids..is that what makes a fmaily? Are you a family if you are married and have a dog? What if you are single and have a pet? Does that make you a family? Do you have to be in relationship with someone else in order to be a family... or do you have to have several people in your home to make a family? How do you know when you are now your own family?

As a single person you wonder am I a family? If I never marry will I never be a family? Someone said you need a relationship? If I have a relationship with God, are we the two of us family? Well I dont know if I have a solid answer to this but I was first asked this question in my family class in Home Ec. in University. What is family? Hmmmm.

Well today was family day. A day off to enjoy time with your family. So where do I go? Join another family? Am I family? Really I dont know but to be loved is something that fills my heart with joy. God has really been showing me just how much he cares about me and loves me in the last few months it blows my mind. Like really blows my mind. There are days when being single isnt easy and today when I woke up was one of those days.

I woke up at 9am which is kinda early for me on a day off lol. I went on facebook. My brother had on his status that he was heading to the fun factory with his daughter and she would be playing with her cousin there. I thought for a minute as who her cousin was when I realised that woudl be my nephew. SO now on this family day my brother and sister and their kids were going off to have fun on fmaily day and becasue I am single no kids I woudl be home and not invited. It really stung me hard and I kinda got a little angry and frusterated inside...I did take a deep breath and said well God youre in control so Kim just go back to sleep for a bit wake up and clean and watch a movie and enjoy your day off. Which seemed like an ok idea though doing something with "family..or having a family seemed a whole lot better at the moment"

Well I continued to do a few things and the phone rang shortly after 930am, And you might have guessed it. It was my brother. He asked what I was doign today and said his wife had mentioned to him to call me becasue maybe I woud like to come and hang out with my niece and nephew and sister and brother for a while. She had no idea how I was feeling but God did. God knew and God totally cared about me. I was over joyed though my brother didnt know how over joyed I was  ( I did thank him lol) but I truely felt blessed.

I had so much fun with them climbing in and out of the ball pit. Going down slides, laughing and giggling and watching the expressions on the kids faces as they discovered new things. Wow God is so amazing. He can even do more amazing things in our lives when we take a minute to just pause and let Gods time to do what he wants to do in our lives.

I thank the Lord for putting on someone elses heart today to include me in this "family day" I was truely blessed to be a part of this day. God is so good. I am glad after 30 years I am finally learnign to stop be paitent and wait for Gods timing in what He has planned. I hope and pray I can keep trusting and waiting on His timing.

God is good. and thanks again to my sister-n-law for encouragaing my brother to call me and for my sister and brother for bringing the kids out and to my neice and nephew for allowing me to have fun with you. I am blessed to have you all in my life.

Sorry still havent figured how to make my pictures line up where I want them to go yet :

( Oh well the memory is still there either way!

Camera

I have been wanting to buy a camera for a while now but just never seem to have the money where I want to spend it or not sure which one to buy, etc. A lady asked me to take family pictures for them in March. Deep down I am really excitied for this opportunity but I am exteremly nervous as well. One rigth now I dont even own a camera lol. I have a freind who said I coudl borrow hers but I dont know much about it so I begain thinking. Maybe I need to buckle down and just buy a camera. Now I need to start pricing stuff out and make sure I iwll have enough money.

I was looking on line and found the camera I have been interested in for a while now on sale for the next 10 hours only. Serious....I cant make this big decision in 10 hours....so now I feel liek i missing out on the BIG sale...errrr. Anyways the big purchuse is about to happen and I kinda hope I can convince myself to make the big purchuse this week. Stay tuned I will post the picture of my new camera as soon as it arrives and paid for in my hands :)

I cant wait to learn about takign pictures !!!!!

You need family pictures down...or want to be my model to practice different poses on? I will be needing people soon :)

Ticked off

Today I realised I get ticked out about the littlest things. People at work just got me on edge and it was brutal. SO I realised I need to figure out how not to let peoples way of doign things not tick me off or make me so irritated. Realization in my life seen otday of my fault and its time to cahnge. More about my life change comng. I must be growing up lol. But now I am exhauseted.

miracles!

Have you ever prayed and prayed for a mircle to happen and then one day the mircle comes true. Or you think the mircle came true but you just cant believe that it came true. Well I think this is happenign to me. I in no way doubt God can do mircles and in this case I knew he coudl but woudl it happen to me...today I found out that the mircle did happen, deep inside I am in shock in complete awe that God loves me so much that a mircle came true..but i will be honest I still am a little uncertain on how it happned but I dont want to unbelieve God becasue I beleive he is real and alive and I am just so excited what a testimony in life eye opener. I believe God did a mircle but I will be honest i am waiitng for more clarrifcation but really Our God is so loving and amazing it makes me want to ge closer and closer to Him and serve and trust Him in every aspect of my life. so dont be afriad to go to God He loves you in evry place your in. I look forward to growing deeper with him. I am keeping faith that this is a true mircle...and even if it isnt what I think God is still one amaizing amazing God!!!! Are you trusting Hm in every way today?

Passion

Have you ever had a passion for something? The past years, months, weeks, days I have really been wondering what woudl I really love to do everyday, what would inspire me to want to do something everyday.

I have always had a passion to take pictures. Since I was a little girl I have loved to take pictures. I remember taking two strayform pieces kinda taping them together. Then I woudl go around outside and pretend to take pictures of stuff. After I took the picture I woudl draw it on cardboard place it in the camera and then pull it out as if I just took it. I just loved this.

I remember I got my first camera when I was in grade 6 which broke in 05 and my parents said when I coudl afford to pay for the developing then I coudl have a camera. I started babysitting and was able to start affordign it and ended up getting a camera. I loved it I have albums full of pictures. I did get a digital camera a few years back which I put through the rough test as it has been everywhere. But broke when I rolled my quad but I am saving for a heavey duty pocket camera. I just love takign pictures the problem is I feel likeI have never had tiem to sit and really study a camera so I dont know much about cameras. But i reallize I have a passion to take pictures so I am also saving for a T2i and have my first family photo session in March. Scared to death and still dont own a camera but trusting God can do a miricale her on how I iwll get what I need.

I also have a passion for decorating and design. For baking and creating. I have the gift within me but I have never really sat and focused on anything. I always feel so rushed and pulled every direction. Some due to workign a lot so I dont have a lot of down time. The lack of energy with my health but I know that God is goign to use me in the area of creativity.

I am praying that a job in the area of Home Ec. will open up for me to take in my teaching career path. I believe this is where i feel I need to go to next in my teaching. I beleive it will take my passion for creativity and allow me to take it in a whole new level and maybe bring life back within me.

Please pray for me as I begin to try and take time for these passions and begin to create. Pray I will find the money to get the camera I need and a new computer that will work to hold the graphics that I will need to design. I am excited to see where this step of my journey is about to take me. Thanks for praying and coming with me on this journey.

I would love ot hear about your passions and what you are doing with them.

Kimberly: Nap Appina

If you are following my blog an dif you are following my life at all you will know that I am a sleeper. The past few years I cant stay awake sometimes and I tend to nap 2-3 hours everyday. I have been seeing doctors to find out whats wrong with me and they can find nothing. Back in October I got to see a sleep doctor and he put a rush on me getting in for a sleep study. Well the "rush" day came yesterday. I went to the hosptial to check in for the night to see if they would find anything as they study my sleep.

I arrived at 8pm checked in to emergency and then headed up to the waiting room. I walked in and it was dead quiet I was thinking coem on peope lets talk, but no one did. Then I nurse came in and we all filed in to the next area. He started to call out a name and the room number. I kinda felt like I was in prison. As the name was called you took your stuff and went into your room. When I got to my room I walked in and put my stuff on the chair and wondered now what its 835pm. Well thankfully it wasnt to much after another nurse came in and talked me and said I coudl get ready for bed and then she would start hooking up the wires.

Me with the wires.

Well form the picture you can see the wires. Every wire you see on the blue pad there is a spot on my body with some wire as well. I didnt get the back of my head. But they monitored my blinking, breathing, sounds, leg movement, rib cage movenment, heart, oxygen, etc. THis is what I carried aroudn with me for a whole day. I dont have a picture of the night tubes in my nose and on my finger etc that I have to sleep with. Well I finally went to bed at 1030pm and if you look in the bed picture this is my home away from home lol. Next time I will bring my own blanket a sheet is not enough I was so cold. And notice the camera on the roof yep they watch me sleep all night.

So when I went in to bed the nurse told me if I have sleep appina she will coem in around 2pm and wake me and put on a breahting mask then I iwll have to get up at 6am. If I dont then i can sleep through the night and wake up and 8am. Pretty sweet deal. Well I was the only one out of the 5 there last night that got up at 8am :). yet this meant they didnt figure out what was wrong with me besides I dotn snore lol.. The nurse said I had to leave the wires on until I saw the doctor everyone else got theres off. And I had to give a urnie sample. I went and foudn out no one else had to so why me. They wanted to test for drugs me me lol. Ya thats why I slept so well. Anywyas I wont keep this long. Doctor sees me says I slept fine doesnt know whats wrong so they can keep me for the day sleeps. So this is around 9am now. SO the day sleeps mean you have to go back and have naps every 2 hours from 10am -6pm. they let you try and sleep for 20 min then they wake you up and you have free tiem until the next nap time. There were about 6 all together. I am pretty sure I fell asleep at least 4-6 times and was dreaming in at least 2. They know but wont tell you if you were actually asleep and dreaming...anywyas so i spent the day in this bed with these wires to basically find out when I fill out a form I can now say I dont snore (so if you ever thought it was me snoring think again lol j/k. TOmorrow the doctor reviews my day sleeps and calls me to let me know what they foudn and what they can do to help if I have nap appenia. Anyways there is the overveiw of my sleep study. No mask for me and no real answers still. I am trustign that God knows so I will keep moving in life living it how I can for Him.

Thanks for those that have been praying for me and my health! But God is good..so far nothing serious so that is a blessing

Sleep

Well 3 more hours and I will be checking into the hospital. I am a little nervous not sure why. Its not like anything bad will happen execpt that I get to sleep. For once I get to sleep. So a while back the doctor put in a request for me to get in for a sleep test and tonight is the night. Wires straped to my head, microphone to my nose and tubes in my nose, lol and I am to sleep RIGHT. Anyways I am hoping and praying that they will find something some leads as to why I am so tired. This is really my last resort right now. They say you shoudlnt nap today well I did everything I coudl to keep these eyes open but I couldnt keep them open any longer so I ended up having a 2 hour nap. I hope that they still allow me to do the test tonight. Serious though there was NO way to keep these eyes open and that happens right.

Well off I go to pack and I will let you know tomorrow what I find out.

Happy Sleeping.

Valentines Day

Today is one of those days most people love or hate. As for me its kinda just a day. I have never really celbrated the day in which I would one day love to celbrate it. I look forward to even once someone surprising me with a fantastic date on Valentines. I know its all commericalised and stuff but I really do think it would be fun.

Today I woke up and kinda forgot it was valentines day. My students at school didnt even get valentines day treatment from me becasue I forgot. I felt kinda bad not really but kinda so I switched my Gr. 4 lesson plan around and taught them all abou the heart. lol. Thats the closest I got to tha today.

I do love surprising friends a bit on valentines day and I think it is another fun day just to remind us to tell people and show them we care. Even if we can do it every other day it is still a great reminder.

Today I ended the day watching the Bachlor and man they get to do some really neat stuff on that show. Cliff jumping.....I woudl be so scared but I woudl be so pumped to do it....supper on a dock by the beach....an island to yourslef ... I love to do fun things and I think it woudl be great. So often I watch the show and think oh just to have a camera to take pictures why dont they have cameras...lol (this is if I was on the date I dont want pictures of them hahahha)

Hanging out with a great friend is always fun. Tonight we both just wanted to order out ro get food but we didnt so proud of us :0

Then when I was driving home tonight I was listening to the radio 100.3 and I kinda got excited to see God when I got home. I felt in my heart that God woudl be there He is my date waiting for me. I got excited and kinda nervous it was a weird feeling. I was so excited to just sit down and get to know him better. I kinda craved time with just him, but at the same time I was nervous because he isnt a phyiscal being like we are used to I didnt know exactly how to hear him and be with him. Yet something for one of the first times inside me got so excited to see Him and really tonight God was all I wanted. He was the true valentine I wanted tonight and I just wanted to see Him and know Him better. It was a neat feeling and what a great feeling on Valentines day!

Lord thank you fo rloving me the way you do. Thank you for your paitence and for understanding me. Thanks for miricles you do in my life and cherishing me. Please continue to show me how you cherish me and how you want me to love you deeper and show me how to have a deeper relationship with you where I get excited to see you everyday.

I love you.

My Home Sweet Home

Back in May something inside me one day said you need to find a place on your own and figure out how to make it work. Without a full time job right now and with rent being crazy I wasnt sure how it was going to work, but God gave me a great little basement suite which really has become my home.

My parents recently moved out of their home where we lived for abotu 14 years and I was there again tonight and it just made me think tha tliving on my own is where I need to be right now. I am learning a lot about myself and I am slowly growing closer with God. Learning to make better decisions and knowing one day I will even be able to buy a house and I look forward to that great day.

Today though I want to show you my house. I am so much more relaxed when its clean and everything is in its place I just love it. I thought I woudl share my Home Sweet Home with all of you.

welcome to my home. Small entrance. :) 

my kitchen. my whole place is tinyso i have to store my bike and

snowboard in the kitchen. 

 Livingroom. its kinda cozy when the lights are dim, and i cuddle up in my reading chair to a good book.

my hallways (if you call it that more of a square with my collection of jeackets :)

My room with my cozy bear rug!

my bathroom with my favourite shower curtain and wall talk i make.

So I am stil trying to figure out this photo thing. Its not really going where I want them to go so I hope you cna figure it out. But this is my home sweet home for now. Feel free to stop by for a visit any time. I love to have company!!!

Wings and Friends

Well its late. But what a blessing to be among friends and getting some great food. Even when everyone is married except two of you and all they try to do is make coments about getting two people together. LOL If only they woudl all figure it out already it isnt goign to work.

But you still gotta love your friends

Donuts

All I have to say is so good. My stomache hurts.

These are the key words of the night:
- special donut times 2
- 18 ouch...yummy
- white
- sprinkles
---yummmmmmmm

want to know the story ask me in person one day. wasnt sure if i should post full details :)

Doyou have a favourite donut? If you coudl make one of your own what would it be like?

Amazing to Look Out a Clear Wind Shield

Man I am a procrastinator. I will wait a lifetime if I dont have a deadline to achieve something..so it seems. A while ago like quite some time ago but within this winter season, my windshield wiper broke or the rubber split. Whenver I would wipe my windows it woudl leave a nice long streak right where I look out. Well I figure if I sloch down or sit up REALLY tall then I could see over or under it no big deal. I have gone a long tiem without this wiper working. Funny hows it always the drivers side lol. Sigh.

Wel today I decided I woudl head to an auto store look up my car and by new wiper blades and well I did. I put them on got in my car and Cleared my windshield..WOW does it ever make a difference. WHo knew. Maybe next time I shoudl do it a little sooner.

This weekend I will try and post pictures of the empty fish bowl, wipers, my gas light which always seems to be on (and is on again grrr), the staple from my tire, clean house, etc. I just havent gotten there yet.

For today I put on those wipers and lovin it. Its kinda like Christmas.

What is your joy about a car? I took out the garbage out of my car today. Thats my fav. feeling. I need to clena clean it now but what a joy to have a clean car.

Positive People

Today was another day lol. This blog really has made me just think and remember life. Well today I was a little early for my hair apoitment (my hair went a little blonder today. I dont do well with hair change so once again I wonder why did I do that to my hair lol. I know it is fine but its the new look that one has to get use to again hehehe) and since my parents moved I thought maybe I should send my mail to my own house. I stopped in to see if I could quickly change my address and everything. The girl at the desk was so friendly.

It was a kind of friendly that seemed so sencere. She asked how I was and how things were going in the new place etc. Everything she said was encouraging. She kept building me up the whole time making me feel like the most sucessful person in the world. I just cant get over how much she was positive. When I left there I was in such a more up lifted mood it was un real.

I left thinking that is exactly the type of person I want to be. Part of me thought I would maybe be annoyed by her since she is so posiitve but that is most likly becasue I am not. But being around her for those 10 min. made a world of a difference. I just figured if I could be that posiitve and happy life would be so much more fun and peaceful.

I want to try and be more like this. Just be happy. People may wonder why you so happy.. dont know just am right becasue we have so much to be thankful and happy for so why dont we show it. Take time to invest a little joy into someone elses life. This girl made a total difference in my life today. Have you made a difference in someones life I would love to hear about it?! Has someone made this difference for you?

Oh to just smile and know you are better off than someone else no matter how bad life seems so lets smile, be positive and make the most of this moment that God has given us to live. How are you going to live it?!

I Would Like to Plug In

Well it is pretty cold outside tonight. I would say it will get down to about -38ish so my car needs to plug in. Well the city decides to move all the snow to the sides of the road so no one can park. Tuesday nigths are my nights I work at Tim Hortons late so when I get hoem i just want to go to bed but tonight someone parked in the only spot in front of my house.errrr. i think there shoudl be a law that you cant park in front of someones else espeacialy on a cold day and when you arent plugging in. I need and want to and you are ain my spot. aso up on a snow bank in the middle of the road I parked my car tonight and dragged a cord accross the lane so ai can get up start my car and actually have my car start. Oh the joys of winter cold and snow packed up everywhere.

well its late for me so I hope I ge this in on tuesday night. But I ma exhausted and need to hit the sack as they say lol.

Do you think ther eshoudl be a law about no parking in front of your house?

A Day of Change

Today was a BIG day for the Mathies. After 14 years we left the longest house and town we have ever lived and moved to Saskatoon. OK so maybe I didnt really but my parents did but it was my roots that I finished High School in and lived for some time.

My parents have found a great house but man it was hard to see today. It was hard to see becasue it will never be the old house so you start to compare and it was tough on me. I know the house will be great and it is perfect for where they are in life. I look forward to seeing them set it up and make it there own home.


At the same time I went to visit my friend today who just bought their newer house and it starts to make me jealous. It is great to see such nice places and makes me want a place of my own but in time right. I figured man I want a house a husband family but its not time for that. There are other things I need to work on and through right now first and then I will have a great life ahead just one day at a time.

For now I am thnakful for my parents and it will be great to have them closer. I am excited for them and they get a new house on their 35th wedding aniversary. WOW.

Did you always grow up in the same house? Have you bought a new house yourself? I love to hear house stories what it looked like how you may have changed it etc. Feel free to share your stories.

LOKI Snow fun!

Sunday a very very very cold day but my LOKI jacket kept me warm as can be. I convinced Ranch boy to come out and join me. He wore his White camo and fit in just fine (don't ya think, lol). SO because I was wearing the cool jacket I got my name in a draw to win $1000 of LOKI products but I didnt win hahha. I also got a free burger but lost the ticket :(  But we had a great time taking pictures and we even tired the Human dog sledding but no Pictures because the lady taking it wasnt quick enough to keep up with Ranch dude. To be honest neither was I, he says dont step on the sled..so I have to try and keep up you should have watched it so funny casue I went flyign the girl went flying and he kept a running.

 

               The Mother bear of the Three bears.

                      Sitting on the Queens throne!

 I just had to try to go down the Ice

Slide. I even stood in line! It was awesome I would have gone down over and over again if others would have joined me.

It was great.

Me and the ranch guy at the castle entrance.

I tried snowshoeing but had to race myself. Can you guess who won??? Yep you got it ME! We also went on a nice horse carriage ride. And had some REAL Lemonaid it was sweet sour..cause it was real. It was fun to get out in the outdoors and enjoy a good time. Not as many pictures as I would have liked but when you only have a guy with you and its -30 outside its hard to convince them to keep taking pictures. I got a few I got to go and its great to have freinds that will eventure out with you.

Have you gotten off the couch or out of the house this week to enjoy the outdoors by yourself or with a friend? It may be cold but the great outdoors is always worth it. Remember your camera. Please feel free to leave your outdoor adventure story here for me to read.

Music Speaks

Before I get into my topic of the day I have a story. I woke up this morning kinda lazy to leave the house before at least mid afternoon but I was hungry. I dont have much food here as why I need to leave the house but I figured I could find SOMETHING. That I did, I found some old buns in the freeze I had made a while ago. They werent the best but they could do. I also had some frozen fruit so I thought...lets have a honey bun with a shake. So I started to thaw the bun and the fruit in the microwave I set it for 5 min. Thinking the bun would take like 45sec I checked it and it was still hard so I left it in for almost 3 1/2 min and then it was good enough to eat while the fruit thawed. While I was hungry and the bun with honey was really good...I am hungry everything is good. So I decided while I blended the fruit for my shake I would put another bun in and have another honey bun so I set the microwave for 3 min and just before it beeped there was smoke coming out everywhere. To be honest I opened the microwave to see the bun and there was so much smoke that I just closed it again before setting off the smoke detector. No idea if that bun is hard black rock or if I blew up my microwave but I tell you it was bad...so I kinda laughed, said figures and took my shake opened all the windows and walked away. I should check out the microwave sometime and see what really happned. :)

Now to the post part. I think this is one of the best posts becasue I just love getting into music. It totally makes my day when I hear a song. I have a great friend who shares music a lot with me and I just love it. I love when they send me a song and it just fits with whats happening. I love hearing a new song at church or an old song that just hits me and challenges me to be different, to keep going or to not give up.

I often cry when I listen to music becasue it just hits my soul and it makes me cry becasue I am happy, or reminds me how blessed I am.....or just how God loves me at my highs and my deepest lows.

I want to share with you 25 songs that I really like. There are so many songs I like and I will share more over the time to come but here is a list of songs. I would share the story behind each one but we will be here all day.. lol. But I hope you listen not to the singer but to the lyrics and the heart of a God who loves us, wants a deep relationship with us and wants to challenge us in a deeper relationship with Him.

Find a friend today that you can share music with, books with , or art, etc. Talk about How God is speaking to you through it all. In relationships with others we need to start getting deep. Not just surface fun stuff but lets get deep with friends, espeacially those close to you. Open up break down walls and lets reach out together to God, for God and help others find the freedom In Christ and Christ alone.

Christ is enough though its hard to believe. We are beauitful, handsome, and made perfect by God. God wants all of us the hurt the pain the good and the bad run to Him. God was and is and is to come. Make Him number one in all you say and do. Have you given up? A friend shared this quote with me today.
              "When you think you have surrendered everthing, what else haven't you surrendered"

Here is a list of my 25 songs. I would like to hear what you think of one or more of the songs, or what your favourite song is and why it has touched you. (I was hoping to play them on here but you will have to look them up sorry). These songs are in no real order.

1. Making melody – Matt Redmen

2. Befriended – Matt Redmen

3. Everything is different – Shane and Shane

4. Call Me Beautiful – Ginny Owens

5. It is well – Kuttless

6. What Faith Can Do – Kuttless

7. I Am Still Yours – Kuttless

8. Halluah To My King – Paul Baloche

9. I cling to the cross - Casting Crowns

10. All the broken pieces – Matthew West

11. Love Never Fails – Brandon Heath

12. No Not One – Brandon Heath

13. You Are Glory – Rush of Fools

14. Always – Building 429

15. Lifesong- Casting Crowns

16. Love Them Like Jesus – Casting Crowns

17. Light Up the Sky – The Afters

18. While I'm Waiting – John Waller

19. Start Over- The Afters

20. Behold The Lamb of God

21 Running After You - Ben Cantelon

22. Grace and Love - Kuttless

23. Walking on the Stars - Group1Crew

24. Today as for me and my house - Brain Doerksen

25. The River - Brain Doerksen.

I hope others continue to fall in Love with this amazing God. Dont keep your moments of how He speaks to you share with others that God is alive.

Hmmmmmm

Today for writing is a hmmmmm day. It was somewhat uneventful. There were a few moments today where i was confused but I think I can work with it. Blessing right...what blessings. The sky was amazing today. God is Great.

I am exhausted tonight as i finished teaching an Tims and am hoping this Blog records friday. Well blessing to have a job!

I am looking forward to my post tomorrow so stay tuned should be a gooder. For now I am off to sleep.
Did i sy I love sleep? how much sleep a night do you need? If i could my body functions best on 10 hours a night!

So get to bed :)

How Far Does God Have To Go?

The past while I have wondered how far does God have to go to get our true attention? I have always considered myself a christian. I truely do love God with all my heart...so I beleived that until today. Today was a day where I really felt God said to me how far away are you going to get from me and still 'think' you are close. I really felt that God talked to me deeply today. Today was a day I felt kinda mad at God and yet deep inside I knew there was no reason to be mad at Him as it is my own chosing as what and how I live my life.

This post isnt going to be a long post but what I want to remember is that no matter where I go I am thankful that God is breaking into this hard heart of mine. I thought it was pretty soft but the more day by day I go I am feeling like it needs to be broken even more for Him. I am thankful today that he is holding me close letting me know no matter what HE WILL ALWAYS be there for me. If the whole world turns from me...if no one will accept me or want me I know that I can go to bed each night knowing the true God who loves and accepts me for who I am who made the world WANTS to hold me close and today that means more than anything to me. That no matter what HE ALWAYS WANTS to hold me close.

How far are you going to get away from God? How much pain do you have to endure before you realise that you need to give up your own ways your own desires and follow Him the true God who loves you? I thought I was a good Christian girl..today I just realized I am a new baby in this walk but today I realised God is showing me that He cherishes me....and I need to embrace that full force from here on in and Find Him when I need that hug. Praise the Lord for holding our hand as we Journey through life..because believe me this life isnt easy.

Stop sitting on the fence looking pretty like you got it all in the bag...get off the fence and run to God he wants to show you how he cherishes you as well.

Thank you Lord for holding my Hand as I journey along.....Please heal me today...Please heal these hurts.... I long for you Lord....Please take the pain away and hold me close....

i feel like a chapter in my life closed today and a new one is beginning. Please pray for me as I journey if you think of it. If you need me to pray for you I would be honoured leave me a comment or send me a message. We are all on a journey, let go and let GOD.

Must Make A List!

In order for me to often get things done I need to make a list. I dont always make a list to do something but this past week I have been thinking and I keep telling myself once I amke that list things will start to get done.

See I think often even the little task can get so overwheleming but if I make a list, even if it has 40 things on it I tend to get things done. I think that is because I see small steps to a bigger picture. Since i havent been feeling well tryign to get things done havent been gettign done. My body is just tired, but I have even dropped some of my regular routine for the past week and a half to have the energy to get soem of my house work done..yet still havent. Well after this post thats enough lol. The list is goign to be made.

See I had planned on postign a picture on here everyday but then what do I post a picture of hmmmm. well today is my list but how to post it on here is yet to be figured out. SO I will get to putting pictures on here but you may need to wait at least until the weekend and my house is in order so I can start fresh.

Today is a dayI need to start fresh....I feel like I make one mistake after another right now and worry I am goign to pay for it and that will kill me. So today I am getting out my list get me focused again and back on track to the life I am ready to live. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.

Do you make lists to get things done or am I the only one tha tlikes lists to get things done?

So put on the music and let the list begin....maybe you will get a picture of the great clean house once the list is all crossed off :)

Is It wrong to Kill a Goldfish before it dies on its own?

I am tryign to get this blog in before the day is over as it was to be my offical launch day and it kinda is but with my workign at tim Hortons tonight gets me home late to write but I think I made it.

So those that have heard  I guess I am kinda doing the 365 day challenge yet I jsut really wanted myself to be blessed by what I have aroudn me and jsut remember that I do live everyday and things happen.

Well in my classroom at school I have ten little fish. They are great. Well you see though one of the fish started to swim slow and on its side on thursday so as I have expereienced in the past this means the fish will die pretty soon. Sad but you flush it and life goes on. I didnt want to kill itbefore it was ready to die so I left it in the tank for the weekend and if it got better it woudl live or like normal this fish woudl die. Well Monday mornign I go in and well the fish is still breathing..yet something had happened. The other fish started eatign it on the weekend so Half the fish was gone..you coudl see the back bones and the tail bones and stuff but the fish woudl still swim a bit and breath. everyone told me to throw it outside to freeze and it owudl be a quick death or to flush it well that wont kill it it will keep swimming its water :)! Well I couldnt murder the thing so I put it in its own bowl to survive or die whatevr it needed to do on its own time. This mornign I decided I shoudl take a picture for my first offical post..but it was gone...someone got rid of it after I had left. They tell me it was dead before they got rid of it but it was alive when I left. It was sad. I didnt want it to suffer but I coudlnt bare to kill it before it died. I figure fish die when its their time. But Wha tdo you do with a gold fish? They are different with fish from the lake becasue Of course you kill it and take it home to eat but a goldfish do you kill it? If you kill it how without hurting it more?

It was kinda sad having our first fish die? Then was it my fault do I not feed the fish enough? But how much does one feed them? I give them tons of food each mornign I though and peopel say they dont need much but did I starve them so much they have to start eattign eachother? Hmmm it was quite the event today..kinda sad...on a -43 wind chill day brrrrrr.

Thankful For Those People Who Accept Me For Me

Well today was one of those days. A blah day..thats why I am excitied about tomorrow. Tomorrow is my offical launch of this site. but today is a day that I feeel blah, I dont feel great this cold and flu of every kind is hanging in for way to long and my whole body is doen with it...but its Monday and Monday means to hang out with a good friend of mine well a great friend. I love Monday night not only for the great show we get to watch together....and to admit some times i wish I was in some of their shoes. But for the hours we talk and talk about life. See I can show up there dressed however I feel, tired, happy, sad, disappointed angry whatever and I get to just be me.

I remember one day we were talking about me and me crying about things. I often find my self crying because my heart is so sensitive to people and situations around me. I hate hurting people, or not being able to help others, or not good enough, so when I talk I get so passionate about things I often shed tears. I knwo this will shy people away from me and I sometimes wish I coudl change it but I dont know if I can. My good friend said to me once though she said.."Yes you cry a lot but when people hang out with you and see all the great qualities in you and what an amazign person you are then they see the tears and that is just a part of what makes you so amazing" (may not be quoted exact, lol).

Tonight my friend chanllenged me with the question. " What is it about you the God cherishes?" Wow now that is a question that never really was thought of in detail. God just does liek me he made me...but the question was why or how does He cherish you? This stemed from wanting a man to cherish me and love me..but first I want God number one...well then how will I allow God to cherish me and when will I know a truly feel cherished by God to know that I can be cherished fully by a human.

So this got me thinking and I will have to think about it more and may write on it another day, but I do know God cherishes my tears. I have coem to the fact that yes He loves my heart and understands that a person my not feel what I feel but the way I feel about something is what makes me unquie makes me me. And what is cool about that is that is what God cherishes about me. He doesnt mind sitting and listening and cathcing my tears. Those tears are making me into more of who I am. They may be breakign my heart from the past, making me more compassionate fro those around me, tears that are allowing me to be broken or hurt about something that has happened and allowing me to be comforted...tears to allow me relate to people in a way that maybe another cant. God cherishes that unique sometime akward thing about me.

I know tears can be weird I I try to stop them and I know many of you dont understand..but even for you who dont understand and think I am crazy yet stand by me day after day..I think you for accepting me just the way I am.

I am excited to really think of how does God cherish me? How cna I be more like the person God created me to be? Maybe God is flushing out all the garbage so he can fill me up with the good he has planned. Maybe some of you need to get on board shed a few tears let the pain out or the garbage out it may seem silly but God wants to fill us up with amazing stuff but first we got to let some stuff go to make room for what he has in store. Let go of past hurts open up a new spot for the blessing he has brought to you today. Ahhh what a great God we have..I look forward to gettign to knwo him in a deeper and deeper way.

I deserve to be chersihed and why not start with the true gentleman Jesus Christ! Who loves me the most no strings attached just the way I am!