Monday, May 23, 2011
Zipper
well this is a short post but today was the day I attempted my first time at sewing on a zipper. My zipper went on my sweater months and months ago but I hadnt had time to attempt to try. Today was the day. well I will say it wasnt perfect but not a bad job. I can at least wear it now. Anyways I thought I would write it here in my blog so I coudl document my front sewing on of a zipper hahha.
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Half Way There
As many of you know I started a learn to run a few weeks back. I wasnt sure how in the world I could fit it into my schedule but I knew it was something I long to learn to do but honestly have no ambition to work at it to make it happen. lol. Some may say I am lazy and maybe I am hahha. But I watch people run and it looks easy and fun. I like doing anything that is fun. :) and if I can bring my camera and take pictures along the way all the more fun.
Right lets get back to my learn to run. Well this week was the point where we have to run 10 whole mintues straight. Ya you heard me 10 WHOLE minutes. not as easy as it sounds fo rme anyways. FOur weeks ago I started running 30 sec. walking 4 mintues. Yep and by the end my heart was racing a bit but wasnt to bad. as we have increased the running and reduced the walking it has been getting a lot harder for me. Part of it like I said I have a pretty full schedule and any day I have off I will tell you exercise is not how I like to fill it. FUn activity YES exercise NO. lol. Well tonight THursday night a night to myself. getting bored at home and tired. I knew my run is something that needed to happen. I missed my 5 5 x 1 runs on Monday so I finally got up the courage got into my running clothes grabed some music and started to run.
The funny thing was I felt cool, I actually felt like a runner. My shoulders were back my feet werent dragging on the ground, yep I was running, and praising the Lord. (I love hymns while I run I know I am strnage but I am in awe as I run and it is amazing) Well I looked down at my watch and it said 6 min. Longest I had run straight in two years. I was proud of myself but the goal for tonight was 10 min. So I told myself lift the legs up and keeep going. !0 min finally were up and I knew I coudl make it to the next main street and I never stopped. 12 min and 15 sec later I stopped running. I did it. I was so proud of myself. It may not seem like a lotfor some of you reading this but for me this was huge.
The funny thing was as I ran people were looking at me kinda funny. And I just said I know they are jealous they wish they could run like me. lol. Well when I stopped running and took out my head phones, I coudl actually hear myself breathing and it sounded like I was about to die. People were looking at me wondering if they shoudl call for help. But with my gasping air and a huge smile on my face with my arms raised in praise they thought nope she doesnt need help. SHE is just crazy.
Well I hope I keep being crazy and stick with it and reach my final goal of running 30 min straight no breaks so stopping just a smile on my face running like a runner. God is good and how refreshing to get out into His beauty. Loved every minute of tonight.
Praise the Lord.
Right lets get back to my learn to run. Well this week was the point where we have to run 10 whole mintues straight. Ya you heard me 10 WHOLE minutes. not as easy as it sounds fo rme anyways. FOur weeks ago I started running 30 sec. walking 4 mintues. Yep and by the end my heart was racing a bit but wasnt to bad. as we have increased the running and reduced the walking it has been getting a lot harder for me. Part of it like I said I have a pretty full schedule and any day I have off I will tell you exercise is not how I like to fill it. FUn activity YES exercise NO. lol. Well tonight THursday night a night to myself. getting bored at home and tired. I knew my run is something that needed to happen. I missed my 5 5 x 1 runs on Monday so I finally got up the courage got into my running clothes grabed some music and started to run.
The funny thing was I felt cool, I actually felt like a runner. My shoulders were back my feet werent dragging on the ground, yep I was running, and praising the Lord. (I love hymns while I run I know I am strnage but I am in awe as I run and it is amazing) Well I looked down at my watch and it said 6 min. Longest I had run straight in two years. I was proud of myself but the goal for tonight was 10 min. So I told myself lift the legs up and keeep going. !0 min finally were up and I knew I coudl make it to the next main street and I never stopped. 12 min and 15 sec later I stopped running. I did it. I was so proud of myself. It may not seem like a lotfor some of you reading this but for me this was huge.
The funny thing was as I ran people were looking at me kinda funny. And I just said I know they are jealous they wish they could run like me. lol. Well when I stopped running and took out my head phones, I coudl actually hear myself breathing and it sounded like I was about to die. People were looking at me wondering if they shoudl call for help. But with my gasping air and a huge smile on my face with my arms raised in praise they thought nope she doesnt need help. SHE is just crazy.
Well I hope I keep being crazy and stick with it and reach my final goal of running 30 min straight no breaks so stopping just a smile on my face running like a runner. God is good and how refreshing to get out into His beauty. Loved every minute of tonight.
Praise the Lord.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
My Head is Spinning
I cant believe what has been happening in less than a month. It is a weird feeling because inside there is a true peace that I feel God is in control of what is happening around me but inside I wonder what I am learning or am to see from all of this.
"Be still and Know that I am God"
These are the words that have just hit me as I am writing. I have been everywhere in my thoughts in the past few weeks. I have so many things on my mind, I am frusterated, worried angry , exhausted, lost, confused, and so many more things. When these things begin to happen I want to take everything into my hands and make it better. I want to fix what i see, or throw away what i see, at mad at what i see, but really what will that change. Nothing. Wise words given to me this week. Kimberly what ever you are thinking.... bite your tongue. One thing I have had to think about this week as situation are gettign to me and they build up inside me.
Then lately i want to solve evrything how things shoudl look run, be butreally no matter how hard I try nothing will really change from what God has planned, except part of me just htings you may ruin what good God is trying to plan so butt out. Its Gods plan get to know Him better and His plan will go forth even if I dont do anything on my own.
TOnight I also have thought what if I am not here tomorrow. What do I want people to know, or how to be remebered. Well I am not sure on all of that tonight. One thing that as hit me is there have been many friendships in the past that maybe I said something, did something, or walked away from in the past and what i want you to know if I dont have the chance to tell you in person or may not even know how I hurt or or why I friendships have gone different ways. BUT I want you to know that I am sorry. Your friendship in the past would be and is to me just as important to me today. Deep inside I wish those friendships coudl be healed and gro back to where they once were. I dont know where or how that is possible. But know this I am sorry and I hope I am forgiven. May you allow me to try again and rebuild a friendship with no hurts or regrets attached. Today is a new day, why dwell on what has been in the past, where is that going to get us in the future. Forgivness is key and grace is what we have been shown and may I live a life where I can show grace to those around me. Life is to short.
I am not totally sure what I am wriitng and as this whole blog it is just be rambling. But i think I need to back off from sitautions for a while. Watch from the sidelines. Learn to love God even deeper then I ever thought coudl be possible and watch how love and life will grow. If I you know me at all may you know today if I didnt tell you in person you mean a lot to me, and I wish we coudl only have spent more time in fellowship and I pray that walls will be broken and those things can happen again.
As I head to bed I am seriously reflecting on Gods words.
"Be still and know I am God"
I know he will make it happen.
I love you Lord with all my heart. May you keep transforming me into the women you want me to be. May I always remember that I am a princess of the most mighty King of all. I want you to take me and mold me to they way you want me to be. Lord I am yours.
"Be still and know I am God"
"Be still and Know that I am God"
These are the words that have just hit me as I am writing. I have been everywhere in my thoughts in the past few weeks. I have so many things on my mind, I am frusterated, worried angry , exhausted, lost, confused, and so many more things. When these things begin to happen I want to take everything into my hands and make it better. I want to fix what i see, or throw away what i see, at mad at what i see, but really what will that change. Nothing. Wise words given to me this week. Kimberly what ever you are thinking.... bite your tongue. One thing I have had to think about this week as situation are gettign to me and they build up inside me.
Then lately i want to solve evrything how things shoudl look run, be butreally no matter how hard I try nothing will really change from what God has planned, except part of me just htings you may ruin what good God is trying to plan so butt out. Its Gods plan get to know Him better and His plan will go forth even if I dont do anything on my own.
TOnight I also have thought what if I am not here tomorrow. What do I want people to know, or how to be remebered. Well I am not sure on all of that tonight. One thing that as hit me is there have been many friendships in the past that maybe I said something, did something, or walked away from in the past and what i want you to know if I dont have the chance to tell you in person or may not even know how I hurt or or why I friendships have gone different ways. BUT I want you to know that I am sorry. Your friendship in the past would be and is to me just as important to me today. Deep inside I wish those friendships coudl be healed and gro back to where they once were. I dont know where or how that is possible. But know this I am sorry and I hope I am forgiven. May you allow me to try again and rebuild a friendship with no hurts or regrets attached. Today is a new day, why dwell on what has been in the past, where is that going to get us in the future. Forgivness is key and grace is what we have been shown and may I live a life where I can show grace to those around me. Life is to short.
I am not totally sure what I am wriitng and as this whole blog it is just be rambling. But i think I need to back off from sitautions for a while. Watch from the sidelines. Learn to love God even deeper then I ever thought coudl be possible and watch how love and life will grow. If I you know me at all may you know today if I didnt tell you in person you mean a lot to me, and I wish we coudl only have spent more time in fellowship and I pray that walls will be broken and those things can happen again.
As I head to bed I am seriously reflecting on Gods words.
"Be still and know I am God"
I know he will make it happen.
I love you Lord with all my heart. May you keep transforming me into the women you want me to be. May I always remember that I am a princess of the most mighty King of all. I want you to take me and mold me to they way you want me to be. Lord I am yours.
"Be still and know I am God"
Monday, May 16, 2011
How to help the hurting
Tonight has been an interesting night. I have been really tired tonight it has been a long couple of weeks for me. I stayed home to try and get some work done. I had this one girl in my grade four class who has been struggling. She hasnt been studying as hard as I know she can but for some reason this last test she studied so hard, tried her best and everyday in the hall she asks how she has done. Today I told her she would have them for the next class for sure so tonight I sat down marked the test and she got close to a 90% I was so proud of her. Friends cared and they all supported eachother.
While marking I sat down and watched a watched a few family movies. one about a judge who takes in a hurting foster child instead of sending her to prison becasue their were no foster homes left. And though she didnt really want to do it she looked into the girls life and REALLY got to know her and her story. The other movie was of an uncle whose siter dropped off the nephew who is autistic for the weekend. While she is away she gets in a car accident and dies.Now this uncle has to try and understand and explain and care for this boy when he has no idea how.
Now if you know me tears soon hit me as I watched people hurting, struggling through life but when someone stops to make a difference to know that they truly care for the hurting person even though they have no idea how to help it was amazing how those hurting grew and healed though the hurt never left..and those that were trying to help and had no idea how were touch by the people they were trying to reach.
Sometimes in life i see people hurting. I have always had a soft place in my heart for people. People who hurt, have nothing just need a friend, need a hug, need someone to talk to. Sometimes I know too I am the person who needs someone to hug me to listen to call me up and be there for me to but tonight my heart ached for friends and the family that is hurting. Like in the movies life continues on but how to cope carring on with everyday life and still having the hurt doesnt disappear. For me I just want to help them, I want to take the pain away I want to put everything back the way it shoudl be but thats not How God planned it, so how do I help. I feel like I shoudl call and make sure they are okay, that they know someone cares deeply, but what if they roll there eyes not wanting it, what if its a bother. I want to call and make sure that they have a friend by them each day to make sure they are ok. I want to make sure they have someone to laugh with and cry with when needed, I want them to make sure they can open up and talk without feeling weird or crazy, or weak. I have in my time seen so many people hurting and they want to look strong so they get all tough and build up walls. I hope and pray for these people that they will allow people to reach into their lives and help them. Not to be afraid just to pick up the phone and say nothing but know someone is there, or to call and talk about everything to nothing.
But how does one approach one how does one help when they dont know if the person wants help. How do you be there for them when they dont seem to want you there. Do you keep bothering them to be in their life or do you step back and say nothing hoping they dont feel like you are leaving them behind becasue youre not you just dont want to be a bother, but you want to be a great friend and to help. I pray daily for guidance and direction but sometimes I still dont know. I dont know what step to take next or how to help.
I know I am rambling here tonight but my heart really longs tonight for those out there who are hurting tonight, for those who are responsible to care for the now hurting when they dont know how to help but God has placed them in their lives for a reason so he has a plan for each and every situation but where do I fit in. Do I run and leave them behind? DO I sit on a bench waiting for them to come to me and sit beside me and wait for them to talk and just sit and be there? DO I continue to reach out, visit, write, try and hang out with them? When a person doesnt know how to help the hurting but the heart hurts with them its a tough spot to be in and I wish I had an answer on what to do and how to help. They mean a lot to me but I hate to lose any of them by being there to much or to little for them. So tonight as I pray and think of those hurting tonight. May God bless you and keep you safe tonight. May you feel his presence and peace and strength for each new day. May you help those around you to know when, how, to be near or far, often or none, as you journey through everyday hurts and pains. You are never alone even though I am sure there are moments when you cant imagine how you will take the next step or make it though another day.
My dream today is to make sure person in this world knows they are loved, they are special and they are cared for. Never give up there is someone who cares.
While marking I sat down and watched a watched a few family movies. one about a judge who takes in a hurting foster child instead of sending her to prison becasue their were no foster homes left. And though she didnt really want to do it she looked into the girls life and REALLY got to know her and her story. The other movie was of an uncle whose siter dropped off the nephew who is autistic for the weekend. While she is away she gets in a car accident and dies.Now this uncle has to try and understand and explain and care for this boy when he has no idea how.
Now if you know me tears soon hit me as I watched people hurting, struggling through life but when someone stops to make a difference to know that they truly care for the hurting person even though they have no idea how to help it was amazing how those hurting grew and healed though the hurt never left..and those that were trying to help and had no idea how were touch by the people they were trying to reach.
Sometimes in life i see people hurting. I have always had a soft place in my heart for people. People who hurt, have nothing just need a friend, need a hug, need someone to talk to. Sometimes I know too I am the person who needs someone to hug me to listen to call me up and be there for me to but tonight my heart ached for friends and the family that is hurting. Like in the movies life continues on but how to cope carring on with everyday life and still having the hurt doesnt disappear. For me I just want to help them, I want to take the pain away I want to put everything back the way it shoudl be but thats not How God planned it, so how do I help. I feel like I shoudl call and make sure they are okay, that they know someone cares deeply, but what if they roll there eyes not wanting it, what if its a bother. I want to call and make sure that they have a friend by them each day to make sure they are ok. I want to make sure they have someone to laugh with and cry with when needed, I want them to make sure they can open up and talk without feeling weird or crazy, or weak. I have in my time seen so many people hurting and they want to look strong so they get all tough and build up walls. I hope and pray for these people that they will allow people to reach into their lives and help them. Not to be afraid just to pick up the phone and say nothing but know someone is there, or to call and talk about everything to nothing.
But how does one approach one how does one help when they dont know if the person wants help. How do you be there for them when they dont seem to want you there. Do you keep bothering them to be in their life or do you step back and say nothing hoping they dont feel like you are leaving them behind becasue youre not you just dont want to be a bother, but you want to be a great friend and to help. I pray daily for guidance and direction but sometimes I still dont know. I dont know what step to take next or how to help.
I know I am rambling here tonight but my heart really longs tonight for those out there who are hurting tonight, for those who are responsible to care for the now hurting when they dont know how to help but God has placed them in their lives for a reason so he has a plan for each and every situation but where do I fit in. Do I run and leave them behind? DO I sit on a bench waiting for them to come to me and sit beside me and wait for them to talk and just sit and be there? DO I continue to reach out, visit, write, try and hang out with them? When a person doesnt know how to help the hurting but the heart hurts with them its a tough spot to be in and I wish I had an answer on what to do and how to help. They mean a lot to me but I hate to lose any of them by being there to much or to little for them. So tonight as I pray and think of those hurting tonight. May God bless you and keep you safe tonight. May you feel his presence and peace and strength for each new day. May you help those around you to know when, how, to be near or far, often or none, as you journey through everyday hurts and pains. You are never alone even though I am sure there are moments when you cant imagine how you will take the next step or make it though another day.
My dream today is to make sure person in this world knows they are loved, they are special and they are cared for. Never give up there is someone who cares.
Monday, May 9, 2011
A New day a New Lens
I have been wantign this new lens for my camera since I bought the camera but I knew I needed to save for it I coudlnt just have it. So I did exactly that and while saving for it I actually got it on a good sale so that made me pumped.
I now own a AF Nikkor 50mm f/1.8 lens. I really wanted this lens for blurring affect in my pictures and it can blurr with the background a lot closer. I thought this is awesoem I picked it up today and attached it to my camera and I thought great I iwll set it on a shutter and off I go taking great pictures. YIKES! If only taking pictures was this easy. Well I think I may need to go in and get some advice on my camera lens becasue I think I am focused somewhere and then I am somewhere else and the wrong thing is blurring its weird. I am sure soemthing cool will come out of it but I am ready for this challenge.
As I was relfecting as I do all the time (hahha not..I am not much of a thinker lol) I kinda saw how this is like a realitonship with God. When I focus on the wrong subject the good stuff gets blurred away. When we take the main focus off God then we miss what coudl have been the best picture out there. But if we keep our focus on GOD and blurr out the rest even though its sometimes tough to keep the focus there and not allow it to go in a different direction then everythign else will blurr out and it is all what God wants.
And when I do all that God wants then the picture always is amazing.
Leaning on the everlasting God. Be blessed even in the unblessed (what we think are unblessed) situations. Lean on the One true God.
Have a great day and keep the focus on CHRIST BLURR OUT THE REST.
I now own a AF Nikkor 50mm f/1.8 lens. I really wanted this lens for blurring affect in my pictures and it can blurr with the background a lot closer. I thought this is awesoem I picked it up today and attached it to my camera and I thought great I iwll set it on a shutter and off I go taking great pictures. YIKES! If only taking pictures was this easy. Well I think I may need to go in and get some advice on my camera lens becasue I think I am focused somewhere and then I am somewhere else and the wrong thing is blurring its weird. I am sure soemthing cool will come out of it but I am ready for this challenge.
As I was relfecting as I do all the time (hahha not..I am not much of a thinker lol) I kinda saw how this is like a realitonship with God. When I focus on the wrong subject the good stuff gets blurred away. When we take the main focus off God then we miss what coudl have been the best picture out there. But if we keep our focus on GOD and blurr out the rest even though its sometimes tough to keep the focus there and not allow it to go in a different direction then everythign else will blurr out and it is all what God wants.
And when I do all that God wants then the picture always is amazing.
Leaning on the everlasting God. Be blessed even in the unblessed (what we think are unblessed) situations. Lean on the One true God.
1. What a fellowship, what a joy divine, leaning on the everlasting arms; what a blessedness, what a peace is mine, leaning on the everlasting arms. Refrain: Leaning, leaning, safe and secure from all alarms; leaning, leaning, leaning on the everlasting arms. 2. O how sweet to walk in this pilgrim way, leaning on the everlasting arms; O how bright the path grows from day to day, leaning on the everlasting arms. (Refrain) 3. What have I to dread, what have I to fear, leaning on the everlasting arms? I have blessed peace with my Lord so near, leaning on the everlasting arms. (Refrain)
Have a great day and keep the focus on CHRIST BLURR OUT THE REST.
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Its been to long
well it has been a VERY long time since I have written in here. I still have no computer so it has been a bit more challenging to keep up but I plan to get back at it. Life has been crazy weird, so lets update whats been happening and where i am at.
Well I am still at Tim Hortons every tuesday and friday. Its always an adventure and its always a surprise who may walk through that door. ( more may come on those stories) but I am there and at the moment I plan to be there for sure until June and if I get to switch to day shifts for three day sa week I will work there over the summer but if I dont get those shifts I may just say goodbye.
In the fall it has been confirmed I will no longer have my Pre-school program as it is being shut down for next year. This brings a bit of sadness but it also brings joy in new adventure. Next year iwill be full time for the first time in almost 8 years so it will be great and maybe great enough that there will be no more tim hortons. (what i will be teaching I will not annouce online as I am not sure how public it is and woudl hate to get it out into the wrong person.
there is so much goign on with teachers right now that I will just stick with tim hortons to insure a little income. And never know the surprises that may come outof that.
I did go to vancouver and it was a greta time. I love (almost lol) every mintue of being there. It was pretty crazy all the things I saw and did was so great. I learnt a lot about my self and it was a much much much needed break from being aroudn here.
I recently have joined a learn to run group. I so badly want to be an athlete but to be honest I have no ambition. I am trying and I am getting better but i have a lot of habits I need to break right now and I find every few weeks it is gettign better and better so i am looking forward to fullfilling my goals. July 30th here we come :)
well i am sure lots has happened since then like I am now an autie of three fantastic nephews and one great niece. They are even all learning to love the camera when I bring it around.
speaking of cameras I did my first family photo shoot and it went pretty good. There are a few things I need to learn from it but it was fun. If anyone else wants to be my geiny pigs I am willing to take photos of your family for free just let me know.
I am also looking forward to getting back into my crafts again as it has been awhile.
today though has been a weird day. Mothers day and I iwll say Happy mothers day. She is a great mother and tries hard to be the best she can be everyday. I think at times we clash becasue more and more I am realising I am becoming more and more like her.
But today I feel weird inside. I feel like something has just gone terriblly wrong and I have no idea what it is. I know sometimes I ruin things for myslef and today though I just tried to be helpful and a friend I feel like I ruined everything. Sometimes I smother and I am not meaning to but I do and I am working on it and I hope those that feel that way dont ignore me or stop being friends please just let me know and tell me thats how you are feeling becasue thats not what I mean to to . I just like to help.
Today also was a day I think I felt awful at friendships I had that really are no longer are not near as strong as they use to be and that was a hard thing to see today. It hurts and how does one mend those things. I am not sure you can and if you can it is only by Gods grace and today I am praying for restored relationships and friends.
There have been many times in the last few months that I just relaly want to have friends. I feel I have baout one closer friend that I can call anytime and is paitent with me but then I have aquatinces but that is about it. My phone is not one that rings off the hook all the time and thats also why I dont feel the need for a cell phone I really dont get calls enough to pay a big bill every month and never have anyone try and get a hold of . This may sound like a pitty party but its not. Its the age I am not and at moments it hurts and I wish that I coudl somehow make or find the courage to have CLOSER friends not just aquatnces that I sometimes see. I want others to call me and want to hang out with me etc but for now I need to trust God and be the best friend I can be to those around me and Try hard to learn how to be a good friend without the smouther part.
my house is falling apart I have felt super busy or just tired the last litle while that nothing aroudn here is getting done. SO today was the day to get it done. Its only a little after 5 and I coudl get it done but I am lazy, I kinda want to go biking or walking, and part of me wants to sit down and just have a good long chat with someone aboout life just life deep life. Hmmmm
well I guess thats a quick long update where I have been but I will do my best to be back here everyday to update how the day has gone. I hope tomorrow I feel a whole lot better about everything and that people will forgive me and jsut move on and accept me. There is me hoping and praying. And praying still for those around me who are hurting today.
Well I am still at Tim Hortons every tuesday and friday. Its always an adventure and its always a surprise who may walk through that door. ( more may come on those stories) but I am there and at the moment I plan to be there for sure until June and if I get to switch to day shifts for three day sa week I will work there over the summer but if I dont get those shifts I may just say goodbye.
In the fall it has been confirmed I will no longer have my Pre-school program as it is being shut down for next year. This brings a bit of sadness but it also brings joy in new adventure. Next year iwill be full time for the first time in almost 8 years so it will be great and maybe great enough that there will be no more tim hortons. (what i will be teaching I will not annouce online as I am not sure how public it is and woudl hate to get it out into the wrong person.
there is so much goign on with teachers right now that I will just stick with tim hortons to insure a little income. And never know the surprises that may come outof that.
I did go to vancouver and it was a greta time. I love (almost lol) every mintue of being there. It was pretty crazy all the things I saw and did was so great. I learnt a lot about my self and it was a much much much needed break from being aroudn here.
I recently have joined a learn to run group. I so badly want to be an athlete but to be honest I have no ambition. I am trying and I am getting better but i have a lot of habits I need to break right now and I find every few weeks it is gettign better and better so i am looking forward to fullfilling my goals. July 30th here we come :)
well i am sure lots has happened since then like I am now an autie of three fantastic nephews and one great niece. They are even all learning to love the camera when I bring it around.
speaking of cameras I did my first family photo shoot and it went pretty good. There are a few things I need to learn from it but it was fun. If anyone else wants to be my geiny pigs I am willing to take photos of your family for free just let me know.
I am also looking forward to getting back into my crafts again as it has been awhile.
today though has been a weird day. Mothers day and I iwll say Happy mothers day. She is a great mother and tries hard to be the best she can be everyday. I think at times we clash becasue more and more I am realising I am becoming more and more like her.
But today I feel weird inside. I feel like something has just gone terriblly wrong and I have no idea what it is. I know sometimes I ruin things for myslef and today though I just tried to be helpful and a friend I feel like I ruined everything. Sometimes I smother and I am not meaning to but I do and I am working on it and I hope those that feel that way dont ignore me or stop being friends please just let me know and tell me thats how you are feeling becasue thats not what I mean to to . I just like to help.
Today also was a day I think I felt awful at friendships I had that really are no longer are not near as strong as they use to be and that was a hard thing to see today. It hurts and how does one mend those things. I am not sure you can and if you can it is only by Gods grace and today I am praying for restored relationships and friends.
There have been many times in the last few months that I just relaly want to have friends. I feel I have baout one closer friend that I can call anytime and is paitent with me but then I have aquatinces but that is about it. My phone is not one that rings off the hook all the time and thats also why I dont feel the need for a cell phone I really dont get calls enough to pay a big bill every month and never have anyone try and get a hold of . This may sound like a pitty party but its not. Its the age I am not and at moments it hurts and I wish that I coudl somehow make or find the courage to have CLOSER friends not just aquatnces that I sometimes see. I want others to call me and want to hang out with me etc but for now I need to trust God and be the best friend I can be to those around me and Try hard to learn how to be a good friend without the smouther part.
my house is falling apart I have felt super busy or just tired the last litle while that nothing aroudn here is getting done. SO today was the day to get it done. Its only a little after 5 and I coudl get it done but I am lazy, I kinda want to go biking or walking, and part of me wants to sit down and just have a good long chat with someone aboout life just life deep life. Hmmmm
well I guess thats a quick long update where I have been but I will do my best to be back here everyday to update how the day has gone. I hope tomorrow I feel a whole lot better about everything and that people will forgive me and jsut move on and accept me. There is me hoping and praying. And praying still for those around me who are hurting today.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
I need to Quit
Tim Hortons is getting under my skin. I guess it always has and that is why I went to university so i dont have to work in these places. Yet because I deceided to have lots of fun and not spend my money so wisely i am now workign two jobs just to make ends meet and I am so exhausted frusterated and just hate what I do. One shoudl never hate what they do. I got called a name at work today which isnt even appropriate to writ eon here and it was frusterating. But seriously if people woudl read to have in or to go an dmake it accordingly, or woudl not just stand there tryign to do the same job I am errr, and as the one in charge it is my responsiblity to make sure all the work gets done, so ya I amy have to tell you to go do something once or twice. Err I have just had enough I need a break and thankfully only 6 days away. In the mean time i need to find my keys that i lost. not cool to ahve lost those keys i sure hope they show up somewhere soon.
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